Decisions

It has been about 6 months since I decided to quit my course in International Communication Management. I made this decision when I failed an exam for the last time and felt like the course just wasn’t for me. After spending a couple of months mostly surfing the internet or playing computer games I came to a point where I had to start looking for a job.

So I did.

In the current market getting a job feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. Most companies are looking for a specific kind of person often with a few years of experience or an education I did not follow.

My current diploma is that of a Legal advisor on the MBO level 4. The MBO is a level of schooling that focusses on practice and grants you a diploma on a lower level than university. It is an education that prepares you for the specific job you study for. The internship I had in the third year of this education pretty much broke my desire to find a job in that sector though.

I tried a couple of courses on the University of Applied Sciences level that didn’t feel right for me. The courses I tried were to become English teacher International Degree in English and Education (IDEE) (which was not for me) and the International Communication Management (ICM), course.

On the day I heard that it was basically the end of the line for me in that course, I wrote down my thoughts shortly after receiving the news:

My thoughts unveiled

Quiet now, my thoughts unveiled end of the line, saddened there unclear future mind a whirl.

Peaceful though relaxed for a song feeling good nonetheless, my future changing a writers soul unleashed.

I can do this on my own, working life not for me in this day and age.

A craftsman maybe, bring saw to wood, a vile to take away the serrated edges.

Can one craft his own mind and find beauty where first there was none.

Mold the feeling of self worth, and craft a statue from solid rock.

Expand the world in side his mind, to develop the unclear negatives and find pictures of beauty.

Draw the blueprint of my inner self, craft a sanctuary there where the beautiful parts of my soul hang on the walls like paintings.

Now here I am

Still uncertain of my future and not sure where to start my craftsmanship in a way that would allow me to financially support myself. I’m not sure if I will be lucky enough to find a job that I enjoy and allows me to use my skills in writing, translating and character development. I could, of course, find a 9 to 5 job that brings money in but mentally drains me but that a is not what I want, I want to enjoy myself through creativity, and develop myself on a more creative level.

Again it is decision time, do I start to work on developing myself as a writer and eventually see if I can start a freelance business where I can do what I enjoy and feel like my skills are not wasted. Or do I continue my pursuit in finding a job?

What do you think?